Ordeal by Meal - Frank

All my life, I've been incredibly fond of spicy foods. I would always eat my chicken wings hot, would put a ton of horseradish on my roast beef sandwiches, and top every sandwich off with a few dashes of Tabasco. Lately, I've found an affinity for putting extraordinarily large amounts of wasabi on sushi whenever I decide to eat it. However, I have had one experience that has taught me to never use this to be a show-off, no matter how high my tolerance may be compared to other people.

A sauce made from this is not a sauce to be reckoned with.

One time, I was at a local pub with about fifteen friends, as we always go there for a weekly chicken wing night. I had heard of an infamous "death sauce" offered there, and decided that I was man enough to try it. I was warned not to by most of the people there, but I figured, "Hey, how hot could a sauce actually be?" I ordered three wings with the sauce on it. Once they came to me, I tried finishing the first wing as fast as I could.

Now, if any of you are familiar with the ghost pepper, you'll know that it's not your average, everyday hot pepper. You don't quite feel the pain at first, but then you start to feel it and it spreads throughout your mouth, throat and face. And the kicker? It doesn't go away for about twenty minutes. So, I'm just sitting there, and all of a sudden, my eyes start watering so much that I can't even see anymore. Then, my throat starts to burn, and I have to get out of my seat and rush to the nearest water pitcher. I drink the entire thing, and even that's not enough, so I take a pitcher of milk. Even that doesn't do the trick, so I'm forced to go into the bathroom and wash my face and mouth out for a good ten more minutes. Even after I came out, I was still in a decent amount of pain.

After that, my friends had a good laugh at my expense (and a hilarious video of the event to boot), and it was one they deserved to have. I had overestimated my ability, and I came crashing down more quickly than I could have imagined. I've pulled off some impressive food-related feats since then, but I know now to stay away from anything having to do with the ghost pepper, and I advise you all to do the same.